To ensure that His Effing Nibs (the book) contains only 100-percent authentic powdered-wig-style prose, I am writing the entirety of the first draft with a quill pen. I should say quill pens, as each nib lasts only a page or two under my clumsy hand (I’m told my mileage will improve as I develop a lighter touch and a better command of the 18th-century flourishes). For now, I require a steady source of plumage. And the best plumage for writing stories that take place in the Revolutionary and Federalist eras is of course that of the American bald eagle, the national bird. Luckily, there is an eagle sanctuary not a mile from my house. One has only to climb the 150-foot pines on which the birds build their nests, or aeries, to find a lifetime supply of free writing instruments (and to think I used to have to raid the supply closet at Tufts Magazine for that purpose!).

A word to the wise: wear leather gloves, the thicker the better, and make sure the eagle is asleep before setting to work. The second and third primary flight feathers of the left wing are the ones you want (assuming you are right-handed). It is best to wait several days before approaching the same bird again.